If you're ready to take a huge leap forward in developing your spoken English, you've got to learn the secrets behind acting with patience. Patience not only secures learning and development goals but it also makes the process more enjoyable. Jump into today's article to see how slowing down, acting kindly towards yourself, and learning with purpose will change you forever.

The Role Patience Plays In Your English Development

Imagine signing up for a coaching program designed to enhance your personal growth while juggling a full-time job and family responsibilities.

Imagine sitting down to attend the weekly sessions you’ve paid for and setting aside time over the weekends to do the work necessary to succeed at the goals you’ve established.

Imagine just how little everyone around you knows what’s going on in your head and how much this program means to you professionally and personally.

And now, ask yourself this…are you overwhelmed by what you’ve signed up for?

Are you putting the time aside that you need to adjust to the change that’s about to occur?

Have you let your family and colleagues know about your pursuits to gain essential support?

I ask because over the last six months I’ve engaged in, not one, but two coaching programs to develop myself.

And some days I feel wholly supported and incredibly on my game while other days I ask myself what I’ve gotten myself into.

Either way, there’s something really important that I’ve learned when it comes to personal growth—it takes patience. 

Have you ever thought about patience and your English communication skills?

From all the professionals I’ve worked with over the last 25+ years, I know that the overwhelm of work and family alone is enough to push patience out the window.

It’s one task on the list after another, isn’t it?

Another thing I know from working with such marvelous people from around the world is that after just a few coaching sessions, a calm does occur:

“I’ve got someone who understands me.” ✔︎

“I’m learning skills that are pushing me to reach my full potential.” ✔︎

“I know more than I realized!” ✔︎

These kinds of feelings can lead us to be more patient with ourselves.

This month’s blog post aims to explore the critical role of patience in personal growth, language development, and effective communication skills.

We’ll look at the psychological aspects of change (since that’s one of the biggest hurdles), the stages of language acquisition, and practical tips for cultivating patience when it comes to speaking up in your foreign tongue.

I’m glad you’re here; so let’s dive in.

The Role of Patience in Personal Growth

Research shows that it takes an average of 66 days to form a new habit. Now that may not sound like a lot of days to you if you are looking to become a better tennis player, parent, or speaker of English as a second language. 

But here’s the thing: getting to the stage where you are ready to take action and then staying focused during those 66 days? Well, let’s just say that’s another story.

We face a lot of distractions from work and our families; plus, our old ways of thinking tend to overpower our actions and keep us from practicing the new habit we are working towards.

That’s why patience has to be a HUGE part of the process of change.

Let’s sidetrack for a sec to understand something called The Transtheoretical Model of Behavior Change (TTM), (also known as the Stages of Change Model.)

TTM was developed by James Prochaska and Carlo DiClemente in the late 1970s and it emerged from studies examining how smokers quit smoking, either on their own or with treatment.

The transtheoretical model suggests that change doesn’t happen all at once but rather through a series of stages such as precontemplation, contemplation, preparation, action, maintenance, and termination. 

Each stage requires time, and guess what…patience.

The TTM is important because it recognizes that behavior change is a process and provides strategies tailored to each stage.

Let’s break down these 6 stages because I think it’ll help you know where you are in your English and English communication skills journey and what steps you can take next to reach your English-speaking goals.

Here we go:

1. Precontemplation: At this stage of behavioral change, individuals are not yet considering change. They might be unaware of the need to change or may be resistant to it. Can you relate to this one?
2. Contemplation: Individuals start to recognize the need for change and begin to think about it. They weigh the pros and cons but haven't committed to taking action. Has anyone suggested you consider communication skills development?
3. Preparation: People are ready to take action soon, usually within the next month. They start making small steps towards change. Which coaches have you considered working with so far?
4. Action: Individuals actively make changes to their behavior. This stage involves significant effort, commitment, (and you guessed it, patience.) Have you ever witnessed the rewards of taking action?
5. Maintenance: After sustaining the new behavior for six months or more, individuals work to maintain these changes and prevent relapse. How have you found like-minded peers to support you in your ongoing development goals?
6. Termination: In this final stage, the new behavior becomes a permanent part of the individual's lifestyle, and there's no risk of relapse. Can you think of a time when a transformation took place in your life?

When it came to the results of the studies that examined how smokers quit smoking, we know that long-term quitting often meant repeating the stages of change; reevaluating themselves at each stage of change; and adjusting to setbacks that occurred. All of which required…patience.

We can conclude that the process of change takes more than 66 days, and that’s why it can be challenging and unmotivating to even begin. 

Whatever you think about (and want) with your personal growth, it’s important that you know where you are in the cycle so that you take the right actions at the right time.

For example, if you are contemplating developing your speaking skills, but are not ready financially, you can still educate yourself on the topic to build your interest and establish clear objectives.

If you are in the action stage, you’ll want to make sure that you’ve chosen the right time of year for your calendar and that the people around you are aware of your intentions so they can support you along the way.

None of this happens overnight.

During the last few months, I’ve had multiple occasions when, as part of my coaching assignments, I needed to share my process with my husband. Getting myself prepared for those meaningful and challenging conversations took time…patience.

I also had assignments that involved other professionals and getting them on my calendar also took time…patience.

You see where I’m going, right?

Personal development is something that requires presence, time, and personal care. So don’t rush through the process.

Stages of Language Acquisition

Most of my learners over the years and the readers of this blog are quite advanced in their spoken English.

They live in an English-speaking country or work for a multi-national where English is the language of business. 

My coaching is more about building effective communication skills and an easy-to-understand accent than it is about teaching English. 

Nevertheless, I’d like to take a moment to reflect on the stages of language acquisition since I imagine it will be of great interest to you.

Research in linguistics and language education suggest there is a typical progression that learners go through when acquiring a new language:

1. Pre-production (Silent Period): Learners may understand some words but are not yet speaking. They rely on gestures and non-verbal communication.

2. Early Production: Learners start using simple words and phrases. They can respond to questions with one or two words.

3. Speech Emergence: Learners begin to form simple sentences and can engage in basic dialogues. They make frequent grammatical errors.

4. Intermediate Fluency: Learners can communicate more effectively and understand more complex language structures. They still make occasional errors but can express themselves more clearly.

5. Advanced Fluency: Learners achieve near-native proficiency. They can understand and use the language in various contexts with minimal errors. 

6. Maintenance and Refinement: Continuous improvement and maintenance of language skills. Learners work on subtle nuances and cultural aspects of the language.

I’m hoping that this list above will help you understand more definitively where you are so that you can take patient action towards enhancing your speech if that’s something you are after.

(Oh, I’m thinking I’m at the early stage of Intermediate Fluency in Portuguese 😅)

Patience in Language Development

Look, I’m the first to admit that I have very little patience when it comes to my language development in Portuguese.

What frustrates me further is when my husband introduces me to people and tells them that I’m “learning Portuguese.”

I know I shouldn’t feel upset when I hear that since it is true, but I hate hearing him say “She’s learning Portuguese!” 

My self-judgment tells me I should be well beyond “learning” the language and able to comprehend and speak on a variety of subjects.

You can imagine the conflict and impatience I feel with myself, yes? (Self-judgment is a good sign that you are acting impatiently!)

So let’s talk about the language learning challenges we face as adults.

➔ Cognitive Flexibility: As we age, our brains become less flexible in learning new languages. It’s not impossible, but it’s not like when we are children and all languages could be imprinted upon our brains more easily.

➔ Pronunciation and Accent: Adults often struggle with pronunciation and developing a native-like accent. As much as I know you want that for your English, the truth is that the phonetic system of your first language will always be deeply ingrained, making it harder to produce certain sounds.

➔ Grammar and Syntax: Learning the grammar and syntax of a new language can be complex. Adults tend to compare the new language to their native one, which can lead to confusion, errors, and a general slow-down in the learning process.

➔ Time Constraints: Our responsibilities at work and with our families limit our time and availability necessary for language study, practice, and progress.

➔ Fear of Making Mistakes (Here’s one I’ve worked on over the years): Adults are often more self-conscious about making mistakes. This hinders one’s willingness to practice speaking and trying out new language skills.

➔ Memory Retention: As we age, so does our ability to remember things. Have you noticed that yet? I think I always had memory issues, but I know that it can be harder to remember new vocabulary and language rules now that I’m older.

Things That Challenge our Patience in Becoming Fluent and How To Overcome Them

➔ Slow Progress:

Challenge: Language learning is a gradual process, and progress can sometimes feel slow. This can be frustrating and test our patience.

Overcoming: The best thing you can do is break down your learning goals into smaller, achievable steps. Stay realistic about what’s possible based on your life activities and commitments.

➔ Plateaus:

Challenge: Learners often experience plateaus where it feels like they are not making any progress. These periods can be discouraging and require patience to push through

Overcoming: As my Mindset Coach says, there are times to grow and times to take it all in. See if, as the impatience creeps in, you can acknowledge how hard you’ve been working and enjoy the break from expansion.

➔ Complexity of Language:

Challenge: Some languages have complex grammar rules, extensive vocabulary, and cultural nuances that take time to master. In English it’s probably our expressions and phrasal verbs that make the language complex, yes?

Overcoming: If you are interested in improving in this area, choose a couple of expressions or verbs per week to learn and incorporate into your daily communication. And if you find that the words haven’t stuck in your memory, keep the same words for the following week. Don’t put unnecessary pressure on yourself. These are your goals and yours alone. Noone is keeping the score but you.

➔ Balancing Practice and Perfection:

Challenge: Striving for perfection can be a double-edged sword. While it's important to aim for accuracy, being overly critical of mistakes can slow down progress and diminish motivation.

Overcoming: Focus on being understood first. The whole point of communication is to exchange ideas, collaborate, and create things. So, let go of perfection and make sure your communication is resonating with those around you.

➔ Consistency:

Challenge: Maintaining a consistent practice schedule can be challenging, especially with other life commitments. Inconsistency can lead to slower progress and frustration.

Overcoming: So, be kind to yourself. Remember what I said above, the only person who is putting the pressure on you is yourself. (And if the pressure comes from outside, remind yourself that you are fluent in a foreign language and those putting the pressure on you probably are not.)

By recognizing these challenges and adopting clear strategies to address them, you can improve your development experience and maintain your patience on your journey to fluency and communication confidence.  

Effective Communication Skills and Patience

So, why is effective communication essential in your professional and personal settings?

Because advancing your objectives and meeting your goals always requires communication. So, the more skilled you are at speaking and writing your ideas, opinions, and insights, the more fulfilled you’ll be. 

As you develop active listening abilities, explore speaking techniques that resonate, and understand the value of non-verbal communication, you are going to begin to excel more quickly and purposely in all your interactions.

Naturally, you’ll need to call upon your patience if you become a communication skills expert.

Patience is going to improve all the communication you partake in because it means that you’ll engage more deeply in understanding others’ perspectives and suggestions which is at the heart of effective communication. 

You’ll minimize misunderstandings and, most certainly, improve teamwork. People will be drawn to you because they know you’ll listen before you give your input.

With the right amount of patience, you’ll develop greater concentration skills and be able to respond thoughtfully to what others have said.

That seems like something you’d want for yourself, right?

So, next time you are having an important dialogue, try taking a moment to pause and really hear what’s been said before you respond.

I think you’ll feel good about yourself and others will definitely enjoy being in your presence.

3 Practical Tips for Cultivating Patience (and what that means for your communication)

Let’s move on to how you can bring your patience into the forefront of your being.

We always have to start endeavors with mindfulness and reflection.

Imagine wanting to drop a few pounds before an important event in your life. You’d have to stay cognizant of the food you buy and eat and then look back at the end of each day to be sure you made the best choices for your goals.

That’s the simplest way I can think of for you to understand why mindfulness and reflection matter.

So, let’s look at how you can stay present and patient through mindfulness. 

✔ Tip 1, Breathing: How about with a basic breathing exercise? We do box breathing in my yoga class and it is very refreshing.

Start by breathing in on a count of four, then hold your breath for the count of four, exhale for the count of four, and stay without air in your lungs for the count of four.

Do this for at least three minutes, gradually increasing to 5-10 minutes for the maximum effect.

When it comes to communication, breathing is at the heart of vocal support, brain function, and managing nerves, so use it not just to advance your patience, but to actually become a better speaker.

✔ Tip 2, Setting realistic goals: Too often we have grand ideas to achieve things and we overextend ourselves. 

That’s why you’ve got to break your goals into smaller, manageable steps.

For example, I was just taking a leadership test and it was outlined that the test would take 60 minutes.

However, it also said that you could take breaks.

That was very helpful for me because I got to a section that felt overwhelming and instead of pushing through and allowing myself to begin to feel impatient, I simply stopped. 

I gave myself permission to achieve the thing I set out to do in sections. Guess what? You can, too!

If you want to enhance your public speaking skills, you could start with something small like practicing in front of the mirror.

It doesn’t have to be for long, but it will be challenging and it will advance your goal of becoming more comfortable speaking to a crowd. 

✔ Tip 3, Establish Support Systems: Last year I was in a Lead Generation Program and we were given “accountability partners.” I cannot tell you how helpful it was to know that I had someone who could encourage me and hold me responsible for the things I said I would do each week.

If you find yourself a mentor or a development partner (language, speech, or whatever skill you’re working towards), you’ll be forced to manage your speed which will in turn mean that you are cultivating greater patience.

Anytime other people are involved with our process, provided we understand there is a two-way street, we consider the journey more deeply. 

Have you every checked if your company has Affinity Groups? You know a place where like-minded people come together?

Maybe there is a Toastmasters at your company and you can join the club to enhance your speaking skills while gaining accountability partners. This would be perfect for you if you are working on your communication!

Conclusion

We’ve explored the importance of patience in personal growth, language development, and effective communication skills. When you embrace patience as part of your growth and development, you are saying yes to the process.  Because growth indeed has a cycle, and if we skip over steps, we only have to go back and start again. So, turn to patience so you can see significant improvements in your speech and your life.

Please share your experiences or tips on cultivating patience in the comments below and let’s continue to learn and grow together.