For decades, productivity gurus have praised the power of the "to-do" list as the ultimate tool for staying organized and accomplishing goals. While a to-do list keeps track of tasks and deadlines, it overlooks an essential component of success: who we are while completing those tasks. What if the secret to better communication, improved relationships and workplace harmony isn’t about doing more—but about being more? Enter the "to-be" list.

A "to-be" list shifts the focus from action to intention, helping you prioritize mindset over output. Mindset plays a key role in the success of your speech allowing for confidence and connection. In this blog post, we’ll explore adopting a "to-be" mindset with practical strategies that you can integrate into your routine.

Master Your Communication Skills With A "To-Be" Mindset 

Your mindset begins with your "to-be" List.

Not your "to-do" list.

Not your Amazon wish list.

But with who you are and who you want to be in the world.

➔  What do you want to feel?

➔  What do you want to experience?

➔  What emotions do you want to have?

Starting with the "to-be" list focuses and defines everything you do with your life, including how you think about it. 

Earlier in 2024 I was in a Leads Generation group for LinkedIn™️ and one of the members brought up the idea of the "to-be" list instead of the “to-do” list.

It resonated with me, and I wrote about it in a recent email (look for the "to-be" worksheet download at the end of today’s post to start your year off right.)

But, I want to jumpstart the year with a blog post about the relationship between our mindset and who we want to be in the world while weaving in best practices for communication.

Let’s see how it all applies to your chair at the table, shall we?

Here goes:

What is a Mindset?

According to the Cambridge Dictionary, mindset is defined as "a person's way of thinking and their opinions." Mindset encompasses the attitudes and beliefs that shape how we perceive and respond to the world—through our thoughts, feelings, or/and behaviors.

Mindsets are further defined as either fixed or growth. I’m sure you’ve heard of the term a growth mindset, yes?

A growth mindset believes that through effort and learning we can change our thoughts, feelings, and/or behaviors while a fixed mindset is, well, just that, fixated on believing that abilities and intelligence are static and unchangeable.

There are reasons one might have a fixed mindset. For example: 

✔️ Early Experiences and Education: If a person is praised primarily for their innate abilities rather than their effort, they may come to believe that their talents and intelligence are fixed traits—things either come to you or they don’t. In other words, no matter how hard you work, things won’t change.

✔️ Fear of Failure: A fixed mindset often stems from a fear of failure. People may avoid challenges and new experiences to protect their self-esteem and avoid the discomfort of potential failure. (Has that ever happened to you when you go to speak English?) 

✔️ Cultural and Societal Influences: Societal norms and cultural messages that emphasize natural talent over hard work can reinforce a fixed mindset. For example, the idea that some people are "born geniuses" can discourage others from trying to improve. (Don't be fooled by the talented speaker thinking it's all genius! It takes work!)

✔️ Negative Self-Talk: Individuals with a fixed mindset often engage in negative self-talk, telling themselves that they are not capable of change or improvement. This can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

✔️ Past Experiences: Negative past experiences, such as repeated criticism, can lead individuals to believe that their abilities are limited and unchangeable. It's easy to say, “I’m not right for this.” Or, “I don’t have the skills for that.”  But, just because it is normal for our experiences to put us in a fixed mindset, it doesn’t mean it has to stay that way.

It probably doesn't come as a surprise to you that a growth mindset is more conducive to personal and professional development, so if you are someone who looks for opportunities to expand your perspective and become the best version of yourself, keep reading. 

Why does mindset matter in communication (and life)?

Mindset plays a crucial role in communication and overall life because it affects how we approach challenges, interact with others, and perceive opportunities.

Imagine these scenarios:

Approaching Challenges

Scenario: Navigating a Difficult Team Meeting

Imagine a scenario where a project manager, Alex, needs to address a significant issue in a team meeting. The project has fallen behind schedule, and tensions are high. Alex’s approach to this challenge will be greatly influence by his mindset.

Fixed Mindset Approach:

If Alex has a fixed mindset, he might feel overwhelmed and defensive. He might think, "I'm not good at handling conflict," and avoid addressing the issue directly. In the meeting, Alex might focus on assigning blame, saying things like, "This delay is because some team members didn't meet their deadlines." This approach can lead to a negative atmosphere, where team members feel criticized and demotivated.

Growth Mindset Approach:

On the other hand, if Alex has a growth mindset, he would see this challenge as an opportunity to learn and improve. He might think, "This is a tough situation, but we can find a solution together." In the meeting, Alex would focus on collaboration and problem-solving. He might say, "We've encountered some delays, but let's brainstorm how we can get back on track. What can we do differently to meet our goals?" This approach fosters a positive and proactive environment, encouraging team members to contribute ideas and work together towards a solution.

Key Takeaways:

• Fixed Mindset: Leads to defensiveness, blame, and a negative atmosphere.
• Growth Mindset: Encourages collaboration, problem-solving, and a positive environment.

By adopting a growth mindset, Alex not only addresses the immediate issue more effectively but also builds a stronger, more resilient team. This scenario illustrates how mindset plays a crucial role in how we approach challenges, particularly in communication at work.

Interacting With Others

Scenario: Resolving a Conflict with a Friend

Imagine a scenario where you have a disagreement with a close friend about a planned vacation. The disagreement has caused some tension, and you need to address it to move forward.

Fixed Mindset Approach:

With a fixed mindset, you might feel that the disagreement is a sign of a fundamental incompatibility. You might think, "We always clash on decisions; maybe we're just too different." This mindset can lead to avoidance or a defensive stance. In the conversation, you might say, "You never listen to my ideas, and it's frustrating." This approach can escalate the conflict, making your friend feel attacked and less willing to compromise.

Growth Mindset Approach:

With a growth mindset, you see the disagreement as an opportunity to understand each other better and strengthen your relationship. You might think, "This is a chance for us to learn how to communicate more effectively." In the conversation, you would focus on understanding and collaboration. You might say, "I feel like we have different ideas about the vacation. Can we talk about what each of us wants and find a solution that works for both of us?" This approach fosters open communication and mutual respect, making it easier to find a compromise and resolve the conflict.

Key Takeaways:

• Fixed Mindset: Leads to defensiveness, avoidance, and potential escalation of the conflict.
• Growth Mindset: Encourages understanding, open communication, and collaborative problem-solving.

By adopting a growth mindset, you not only resolve the immediate disagreement more effectively but also build a stronger, more understanding relationship with your friend. This scenario illustrates how mindset plays a crucial role in how we interact with others, particularly in personal relationships.

Perceiving Opportunities

Scenario: Networking at a Social Event

Imagine you're attending a social event where you have the opportunity to meet new people and potentially make valuable connections. How you perceive this opportunity can greatly influence your communication and the outcomes of your interactions.

Fixed Mindset Approach:

With a fixed mindset, you might feel anxious and doubt your ability to make a good impression. You might think, "I'm not good at networking; I'll probably just embarrass myself." This mindset can lead to avoidance or superficial interactions. At the event, you might stick to familiar faces and avoid initiating conversations with new people. When you do engage, your lack of confidence might come across, making it harder to build meaningful connections.

Growth Mindset Approach:

With a growth mindset, you see the event as a chance to learn and grow. You might think, "This is a great opportunity to meet interesting people and improve my networking skills." This mindset encourages you to step out of your comfort zone and engage with others openly. At the event, you approach new people with curiosity and genuine interest, asking questions and actively listening. This positive and proactive attitude helps you build rapport and make lasting connections.

Key Takeaways:

• Fixed Mindset: Leads to anxiety, avoidance, and superficial interactions.
• Growth Mindset: Encourages confidence, curiosity, and meaningful connections.

By adopting a growth mindset, you not only make the most of the networking opportunity but also enhance your communication skills and expand your social and professional network. This scenario illustrates how mindset plays a crucial role in perceiving opportunities and effectively communicating in social settings.

Again, a growth mindset fosters open-mindedness, resilience, and a willingness to learn from feedback, which is essential for effective communication. It helps individuals stay positive and proactive, leading to better relationships and more successful outcomes.

Do everything you can to use the growth mindset by remembering that each moment is an opportunity for you to learn.

Now let's look at how the "to-be" list sets your mindset.

Rethinking the List That Drives Your Day

As you start 2025 with a bunch of goals and desires, see if you can work towards them with a "to-be" list at the center of your decisions.

Of course, we need to remember that the "to-do" list has its function as well, so let’s take a look at the differences between the two:  

To-Do List:

✔️ Task-Oriented: Focuses on specific actions and tasks that need to be completed.

✔️ External Achievements: Emphasizes what you need to accomplish, such as "finish the report" or "buy groceries."

✔️ Productivity: Helps you stay organized and manage your time effectively by listing out your daily or weekly tasks.

To-Be List:

✔️ Quality-Oriented: Focuses on the qualities and characteristics you want to embody. I don’t know about you, but I’m much more attracted to quality over tasks. In fact, when I think about how many years I was all about getting things done while missing the moments, I thank goodness I am lifting quality up into its relevant place in life.

✔️ Internal Alignment: Emphasizes who you want to be, such as "be patient," "be kind," or "be confident." I feel so much better when I’m internally aligned than when I look externally for what I’ve accomplished.

✔️ Personal Growth: Encourages self-reflection and helps you align your actions with your core values and long-term goals. Although I consider myself to be a person who loves to be productive, I also respect and value personal development.

3 Ways A "To-Be" List Will Help You In Your Communication

Since a “to-be” list helps you focus on personal growth and the qualities you want to embody, it follows that a “to-be” mindset will also enhance your communication and interactions with others.

Think about these three words to keep you on task with your “to-be” mindset:

✔️ Intentionality: I like to talk about speaking with intention in my coaching practice. And intention starts by being present and attentive to the moment.

When you have a set of communication tools in your pocket, it’s easier to trust the moment because you can rely on your skills.

Wouldn’t it be great if you could listen with intention, too? If one of your “to-be” words were to be empathetic, for example, it would be natural for you to strive to be a good listener, don’t you think?

This type of attention and intention improves the quality of your interactions.

✔️ Consistency: They say consistency matters in everything we do whether it’s taking medication, learning an instrument, or improving our overall state of being.

When it comes to communicating; especially in challenging situations, you want to know yourself well enough so that, regardless of where you are or who you're with, you’ll have an approach you can rely on.

This requires both skill and a firm sense of who you are. The “to-be” minset will get you there.

✔️ Self-Awareness: I talked about attention as a partner to intention above and now I want to talk about self-awareness. It is one of The Diamond Method’s communication principles and it is something you’ll want to take to heart.

Self-awareness means being attuned to your senses and your environment. It allows you to be mindful of your behavior and how it affects your communication with others.

Combine that with a well thought out “to-be” list and you’ve got greater clarity in the things you say and do.

Over time, referring to your “to-be” list can reinforce all these qualities, making them a natural part of your communication style and mindset.

How to Integrate the "To-Be" List into Your Communication

✔️ Pair It with Your "To-Do" List: At the end of every week, start by setting aside some time to write your "to-be" intentions for the following week. You can look at your agenda to see what meetings you’ll have; the speeches you’ll give; and the general topics you may be covering for the following week. Then, list out how you want to feel, act, and be during those business settings. Write those intentions at the top of your daily planner and then pair them to your activities

For example, 3 things I want to be next week:

1. confident,
2. calm,
3. and informed.

3 things on my agenda next week that involve communicating with others:

1. 2025 kick-off meeting with the team;
2. a marketing meeting with a consultant;
3. and a Zoom meeting with two advisors.

How I want to “be” and “feel” during those meetings:

1. I want to be confident while leading the kick-off meeting (what do you have to do to be sure you will feel this way? Do it!)
2. I want to stay calm while outlining the marketing agenda for Q1 with my consultant (Are you prepared for the meeting? That will enable you to stay calm.)
3. I want to understand (be informed) the advice from my two advisors (Make sure to ask as many questions as you need so that you feel informed. That’s what advisors are for!)

✔️ Set Reminders: Use sticky notes or phone alerts to reinforce your intentions throughout the day.

Add your "to-be" words on your calendar and let them notify you throughout the week to give you the gentle nudge to stay focused on quality over quantity.

✔️ Reflect Daily: At the end of the day, assess how well you are embodying your chosen traits for the week and make adjustments as you feel.

Remember, our moods change frequently throughout each day and what you set out to be on the Friday before may be quite different from what you need to focus on by the following Wednesday.

Stay tuned to your feelings and not just your mind.

✔️ Team Integration: Encourage your team to share their "to-be" intentions before meetings or brainstorming sessions.

I love this one because when other people get involved, we stay accountable for our goals.

Wouldn’t it be cool to start off the Monday morning meeting with everyone on the team sharing a few words from their “to-be” lists? (I want to know if you try this one, ok?)

Conclusion: Redefining Success Through Being, Not Just Doing

The demands we receive and put upon ourselves can be overwhelming. Still, we can’t just tick off tasks and believe we will feel satisfied. We have to tap into who we are and how we want to experience our lives so that we can create our realities.

With a “to-be” mindset, we can build trust, foster relationships, and communicate more effectively. Our mindset will feed our mechanics. And our success hinges on these things.

By shifting your focus from "doing" to "being," you’re going to cultivate qualities that will drive meaningful interactions and sustainable growth.

So, the next time you reach for your planner, don’t just make a “to-do” list. Remember the "to-be" list and watch how it transforms your communication, productivity, and relationships—at work and beyond.

Call to Action

Ready to make the shift? Start by writing your first "to-be" list today. Share your intentions in the comments—let’s inspire each other to focus on who we are, not just what we do!

Use this downloadable "To Be Worksheet" to define your list and start 2025 with the mindset—and the communication skills—you need to thrive.